Wu Wei
I love it when you plan your day one way, but it turns out completely differently. I did plan to have coffee with my friend early in the morning before I go to my office and spend the day there doing work tasks. Well, my friend cancelled the early coffee, and the majority of my co-workers announced they don’t feel well and will not be going to the office, so I decided to follow the flow of the day and modify my original plan. That same friend proposed a later meeting, and I agreed. She also suggested we delve into some inner work together, so you can imagine the shift that took place. It is potent when you practice being present and going with the flow of existence. It is a rich playground! The only requirement is that one has to be willing to play.
While I was getting ready to leave, I noticed the book my coffee neighbor was reading, “Waiting for God” by Simone Weil. It struck a chord with me. I have been meaning to explore her writings, and that title was a good invitation for a start. Needless to say, I ordered the book an hour later.
Per my friend’s request, the next exploration I embarked on is my SQ in my gene keys profile.
Shadow: Dominance
Gift: Synergy
Siddhi: Communion
In the shadow energy, it manifests as a victim or perpetrator, feeling the need to dominate or allowing to be dominated. It is all tied to fear and insecurity. When we operate in our dual mind (ego operating system), we tend to mistrust and always perceive through a scarcity lens. The result is either/or- abusing our power or giving our power away. The path of transformation is on the other side of fear- both/and- the third force is synergy. When I trust myself, I inspire others and create a space of abundance and oneness.
I realize that I feel deeply drawn to creating communal spaces and leading from synergy and not control. Letting go of the controlled outcomes and embracing the flow of shared abundance. Instead of being pushed by the push-and-pull of dominance and submission, synergy invites me to step into co-creation and mutual empowerment. That requires complete acceptance of my Divine power and standing solidly into that knowing.
Sophia Perennis
Jesus as a teacher of the path of inner transformation. What caused the disciples to say “yes” to Jesus ? They did not have the knowledge that Jesus was going to be crucified, die, and rise again (20/20 hindsight). They knew in the immediacy of their heart. It is a transmission from within. “in your light, we see light,” Psalm 36. It is the mutual recognition of hearts. In John 4:6-15, Jesus Christ in the face of the Samaritan woman becomes the mirror in which she recognizes not only the face of God, but her own True Self/Divinity.
Soteriology- Jesus as a savior.
Sophiology- Jesus as a wisdom teacher- the Life-Giver. The primary task of a Christian is not to believe theological premises but to put on the mind of Christ.
What does it mean to die before you die? How do you go about losing your little life to find the bigger one? Is it possible to live on this planet with generosity, abundance, fearlessness, and beauty that mirror God’s Being? How do we acquire Christ’s consciousness?
You don’t die into the Kingdom of Heaven; you awaken into it. It is a state of consciousness-non-dual or unitive- no separation between God and humans, or between humans and other humans. In John 10:30, he states, “the Father and I are One.” This expresses the indivisible reality of divine love. We flow into God- and God into us- because it is the nature of love to flow.
Jesus famously said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” It is a complete acceptance that your neighbor is you.
How do we switch from the binary operating system of either/or to both/and? A system based on duality cannot perceive oneness. We are invited to remember the heart- our unitive system. The heart is an organ of spiritual perception that keeps in alignment the horizontal and vertical axes.
Metanoia- transformation of the heart; going beyond the mind; entering into the larger mind
The binary mind always perceives from a sense of scarcity and keeps score through comparison and contrast. We can’t put on the mind of Christ while operating from a dual mind. We have to live from the perspective of wholeness and impartiality.
The Beatitudes
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”- purification of consciousness; kenosis
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”- state of vulnerability and flow (tears, emptying out)
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.”- “devouring the lion”; taming the passions of the lower nature (ego)
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled.”- the thirst for/of God; being in connection with our fundamental yearning
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.”- reciprocity and exchange; no separation
“Blessed are the pure of heart, for they will see God.”- singleness; the heart is not divided but unified whole; cleansing the lens of perception
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.”- peace is our natural state
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”- release control; freedom; entrust ourselves to the Divine Mercy.
If we are stuck in ego, we can’t hear the music!
“It is not love stored up, but love utterly poured out that opened the gates to the Kingdom of Heaven.” Cling to nothing. Let it go.
The traditional teachings tell us that there is within each person a sacred energy (chi, prana, life force) which is measured out to each person in a finite amount. If we can contain this energy rather than leak it and preserve it intentionally, then we can ascend. It is one way of inner transformation. What Jesus taught was an alternate path- giving it all away, emptying it out- kenosis. It mirrors Heaven- extravagant abundance. “Do not store up treasures on earth, for it is your Father’s good pleasure, to give you the kingdom” (Luke 12:32).The Jesus Trajectory
Love is recklessness, not reason
Reason seeks a profit.
Love comes on strong, consuming herself, unabashed.
Yet in the midst of suffering,
Love proceeds like a millstone,
hard-surfaced and straight forward.
Having died to self-interest,
she risks everything and asks for nothing.
Love gambles away every gift God bestows.
Rumi
The How of Unconditional Love
I want to know what it means to truly love someone!
My kids are part of this quotation, and in my heart it feels unconditional although I still fear losing them in some manner. There is attachment. Holding onto them, for it feels good to give the plentitude of love stored in my Being to someone who matters.
Why does the moment of death release us, finally, to the depths of our human love? Why doesn’t the moment of living reach those depths? What is blocking me from accessing love’s vast potential? May I dissolve these blocks and experience the love I long for?
In times of hurt, I do run, and all I can envision is running further away until the agent of pain can’t reach me. Illusions. I caress the pain within me, and regardless of how far I go, I will never feel free or capable of expressing this transformative love. The only solution is to feel the ache all the way through and rob it of its power. This task is not for the faint of heart. In its apex, it feels debilitating and all kinds of scenarios appear in the min'd’s eye of avoiding the pain, but I have learned that only presence will resolve it. I endure. I feel. I kick. I scream. I pray. Eventually, it feels lighter, and I completely surrender control and love me. I want to learn what it means to truly love myself, so I can truly love another.
In the moment of death, our whole existence is exposed and surrendered. With nothing to protect or hold back, the life of our soul is open to empty out in full capacity. Love is self-surrender. How do I open to the force of my own love while living?
Human love vs. Divine love? If I am created in the image of God and fully Divine/fully Human, how do I emulate her love while being in human form? In the furnace, we see the impurities, and then we distract and avoid facing them and alchemizing them into purity. During this Lent season, I vow to go beyond the threshold until I see my soul. I dare to love fully- God, Self, Other- into Union and onward!
The Law of Last Year’s Language
I am reading another book by Cynthia Bourgeault that depicts the story of her union with a mystical soul, Rafe, first on the physical plane, and after his death, between the realms. Have you ever had a feeling of pure joy when the words reverberate through your body in complete resonance with your soul? They bring clarity and balance and were meant to reach you Now. Some Souls touch you so deeply. You savor their Beings through their words. They open the closed chambers of your heart and bring you to harmonious union with yourself. God has a large support team and as long you tune in and move with the flow of every offering, you receive what is offered. Yesterday morning, I was sitting in front of one of my book shelves, while a young man was fixing my water heater, when my gaze paused on the book by Hermann Hesse, The Glass Bead Game. When God wants to impress something on us, she creates a link of synchronicities, so we don’t miss the importance of the gift. Later into the night, when I was reading Cynthia’s story, a poem by Hermann Hesse from that same book was referenced in a very powerful way. Here is the poem gift:
Stages
By
Hermann Hesse
As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.
Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The Cosmic Spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave-taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence.
Even the hour of our death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races.
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.
It tells me to leave the past and center into my present heart. It tells me to love unconditionally and that all focus on needs, reciprocities, expectations robs me from feeling the swelling love that took a decade to cultivate. It tells me to see the beauty in chaos and change. It tells me to leave behind the remorse, the regrets, the nostalgia. It tells me I am on the path that restores my wholeness and in that process can’t dwell on the hows and whys of the fragmentations. As Rilke wrote, “ The free animal has its decrease perpetually behind it, and God in front.”
It tells me to love wholeheartedly!
The Dance
The dance of the Trinity: the outpouring of love from Father to Son, from Son to Spirit, from Spirit back to Father (kenosis). The Trinity is an icon of self-emptying love. The three persons go round and round like buckets on a watermill, constantly overspilling into one another. As they do, the mill turns and the energy of love becomes expressed and reachable. The Cappadocians called this circulation of love perichoresis which means the dance around. God reveals his inner nature through a continuous dance of kenosis.
This reminds me of Henri Matisse’s painting the Dance. Was the intention of Matisse to represent this process? Was he depicting our relationality and oneness? Is the disconnect between the two emulating our yearning for unity? The five figures are holding hands in a circle, but on the left, we can notice that the two individuals’ hands are parted; they only slightly brush instead of holding. The rupture’s point being closest to the viewer’s position, it can be interpreted as an invitation to join in the dance. The circle comes to find those that “are outside,” and thus unify individuals. This is clearly God’s overture!
As Raimon Panikkar eloquently expresses, “I am one with the source insofar as I act as a source by making everything I have received flow again- just like Jesus.”
The Law of Three
While diving deeper in my studies of Gurdjieff, I revisited the law of three, and this time it really resonated with me. According to the law, in every situation we have an Affirming (driving) force, a Denying (resisting) force, and a Neutral force.
Lectio Divina
It all begins with an idea.
I have being hearing of lectio divina frequently lately, and then I “stumbled” upon a book on the theme with a special laminated instructional/prayer guide left by the previous owner of the book in it. It was a sign to move toward the practice and experiment with it. Don’t get me wrong, I do spend the majority of my days deep into spiritual readings, contemplations, and healing, but this devotional routine was going to take me even deeper, or so I suspected.
I am on day three of experimentation, and I am all in. It takes my communication with God to another level. It immerses me in Scripture in an unfamiliar way and affirms my faith while moving me to action. God no longer feels like a figment of my imagination but like a friend of virtue having a conversation with me.
As of recent, I have been healing through burned out energy at my place of employment and wavering between staying and going. Upon waking up today, that ambivalent heavy wave washed over me, so I turned to the sacred reading with no hesitation. The practice advises to highlight words or phrases that glimmer to us. I did and was then moved to pull them out of the text and write them in my journal. Here is the result:
“God bless you and give you peace. God consoles us in all our troubles. If you meet with trouble, it is for the sake of your consolation and salvation. Rely on God, for he will deliver us again. Purity of motive and sincerity are inspired by God. We will be proud of you. Your pleasure might be doubled. Where did I show any fickleness of purpose? The message does not waver between “yes” and “no”. The child of God never wavered between “yes” and “no”. With him, it has always been “YES”. God gave us his spirit in our hearts as a pledge of future blessings. It is through your faith that you are standing firm.”
What a Feast!
The Eye of the Heart: A=ek
It all begins with an idea.
Nous: the spiritual eye of the heart (the highest aspect of the soul)
How do I enter this space? Mary Magdalene did. Julian of Norwich did. Hildegard of Bingen did. Cynthia Bourgeault did. Meggan Watterson did. Wendy Farley did………..
Do I follow in their footsteps or find my own rhythm? How do I embody my Divinity, so I can hear the subtle whisper of the nous? I have to truly believe in my sacredness and inner power, in that golden light that shines within me and is much larger than my perceived Me.
How do I embrace my full humanness with all its egoic climates while showing up in reverence to my wholesome Divinity? That is the mystery formula for hearing and receiving the treasure.
How does my love grow into agape and become a bridge between the realms?
According to Cynthia Bourgeault, Agape equals Eros times Kenosis (A=ek).
Agape: unconditional love
Eros: desire/the “yes” within oneself/the creative force
Kenosis: to surrender/to empty out
It seems that in order to enter the state of unconditional love while feeling a pure desire, I have to let go of any clinging to it. How do I distinguish between a Divine desire and a Human temptation? The most natural response takes me back to the nous.
What if Love (Agape) wasn’t the Alpha, but Wisdom (Sophia) was? What if Love is the Omega? What prevents me from being wise and reaching the Omega? Do I tend to the screeching sounds of the ego more than I caress the heart? How do I “tame” the powers of the ego and reveal my heart? It seems that if I occupy a state of radical awareness and gently purify my inner landscape, I will create space for peace to enter every crevice of my Being. In that mode, I can slow down and listen, trust that I will hear, and receive with no hesitation but with complete faith. That’s Love! Loving the Creator by loving his Divine Creation!
Babette’s Feast
It all begins with an idea.
When I woke up at 3am, I remembered what I left unhealed the night before. Life has many agents to deliver the messages. We just have to pay attention and subsequently address them with loving care. My neighbor brought one of these gifts which I slowly realized I have to unwrap because it was pervading everything. I was feeling like an impostor in many professional and creative situations which created a feeling of smallness, inferiority, and ultimately stuckness. The more I ignored it, the more it turned into a swamp. Have you tried moving through a swamp? It is full with sludge and invisible phantoms. Feeling into that during this early hour, I jumped into healing. First, I moved through the rejection upset which still shows up in my reality albeit with less rawness. As much as I have peeled the layers, I do have a fear of rejection which combined with the impostor syndrome, keeps me in immobile position in certain scenarios. Why do I still reject myself? What does that even mean? These were the questions that were rapidly firing in my mind. I dropped into my heart, and the answers started to appear. I wasn’t completely accepting myself. That was clear! I can’t feel like an intruder and be accepting of my Essence. I wasn’t really seeing my Divinity or believing I am deserving of God’s love. If I was created in the image of God, I was not honoring that image. I was not in reverence of God hence myself. So vast is God’s love that he places me in settings that I would wind up being rejected over and over again until I learn full acceptance of myself which involves the shedding of shame.
SHAME: Should Have Already Mastered Everything
Who taught me this dysfunctional belief? Why is it so rooted in me that after thousands of mirror exercises, I still fall into its trap?
There is nothing to perfect. It is impossible to shine in every sphere or all the time. God chose for all of us to carry one particular spark/purpose. I don’t need to pretend and show up inauthentically to fit a particular paradigm of societal acceptance. That is a recipe for lostness, inadequateness, and misery. That is how slowly but steadily, I begin to feel like an impostor. My heart fire dies out. I become a drifter. What’s the alternative?
The alternative is to step into the imaginal realm and see the Big Picture (chasm). The movie Babette’s Feast was brought to me to help me face this upset. It is not the type of movie, I will naturally gravitate toward, but I am learning to listen when the nudges are delivered. The focal point of the story is a speech delivered by one of the characters at the feast which happens closer to the end of the movie which points to the fact that our lives are not linear but rather spatial and that our kind acts and unkind acts, our impulsive choices, our misalignments and repetitive patterns, anything and everything surrounds the apex. It looks like a mandala- the sacred center/ the neutral space. Some of the steps we take either move us toward the imaginal realm or the human realm. We need both to complete the circle. A person who is rich in essence but has not developed a strong vehicle for its expression in this world is, in Gurdjieff’s words, a “stupid saint”.
The general who delivers the speech starts with a verse from Psalm 85, “Mercy and truth have met together; righteousness and bliss shall kiss one another.” Then, he continues, “ Man in his weakness and shortsightedness believes that he must make choices in this life. He trembles at the risk he takes. We do know fear. But no, our choice is of no importance. There comes a time when our eyes are opened, and we come to realize that mercy is infinite. We need only await it with confidence and receive it with gratitude. Mercy imposes no conditions. And lo! Everything we have chosen has been granted to us. And everything we rejected has also been granted. Yes, we get back even what we rejected. For mercy and truth are met together. Righteousness and bliss shall kiss one another.” As Cynthia Bourgeault comments, “As soon as one relaxes spatially and allows the larger picture to fill in, suddenly the mercy reappears, like the full moon from the darkened clouds.”
Mona Lisa
It all begins with an idea.
It started yesterday with a boom and a bang, although upon reflection, it was steadily building up. There was an air of not okayness and a need for constant opposition in response to that feeling. The Heavy energy expanded into rebelliousness. All the healing prior to this moment somehow evaporated and only the little girl was standing in the midst of this seemingly overwhelming vastness feeling unsupported and played with. There was no more space for her to be in that room. She felt tossed around by another at their whim. She felt the separation deep in her bones. She ran toward the room where she could dream about being the One- not for someone else- but for herself. Here, she recognized her worth and desired to protect it dearly, and allowed God to love her. The recognition of her Divinity gave her only permission to be in spaces that truly honor and respect her. It wasn’t about who is right or wrong. It was about her resilience and devotion to herself. It was about her seeing her light and following it unequivocally.
Today she sat on a chair she almost never sits on and opened a book, gifted to her mother, she has never opened before, to see the photograph of Mona Lisa. It was taken at the Louvre and had all the reflections of the glass frame and the paintings that mirrored into that glass. It felt serendipitous! After all, when she was younger many people found resemblance between her and Mona, especially in the eyes. In the deeper part of her being, she knew she had to investigate and find the meaning of this particular gift at this particular time. It was percolating in the vicinity, but she couldn’t quite grasp it, so she read which she sensed will crystalize the gnosis, and it did. When you look at Mona Lisa, you see through your current lens. There are many shades and perspectives. Her eyes are a living well and emit her Infinity and Divinity. It was a confirmation for me to see my Goodness and shield it from anything (other paintings: triggers/mirrors/outside noise) that “threatens” to disturb my Union with God. It was about staying firm with my boundaries. Not loving less, but loving more. Mona’s image in the photograph was blurry. My dance between my worthiness/unworthiness created the in-between space where I sometimes see myself and sometimes deviate and see blurry, yet, I am on purpose by design, and God was inviting me to recognize my permanent address- Value/Merit/Worth. When I occupy this space, I choose Her over and over again regardless of the circumstances and all the justifications my ego can provide for overriding this knowing. The tests are plenty. The results are all over the place, but the awareness is there, and moving through these situations with self-compassion and understanding is necessary. A seed doesn’t sprout overnight, let alone produce fruit instantaneously, yet it endures lovingly.